Musicals, Now in Technicolor!
by Tortallan Shadow
Summary: So, ever imagined Twilight as a musical? Well, this is a bad rendition. If you want to have a laugh and know the musical Wicked, Jeckyl and Hyde or Aida, take a gander! One shot.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned here. Well, maybe I own the people…maybe.

Okay, here it is folks, the long awaited drum roll Twilight the musical! boos hey, its not all that bad!

* * *

**Okay, so who do we have for casting? All right, so Alexis Bledell, you're Bella. Uhh, you there, in the coat, whats your name?**

"Uh, me mum?"

**Yes, you.**

"Well, I'm Gravy McApple Baum Miss."

**Alright. Forget that name. Now, youre Edward Cullen…okaaay then all done, only, Sean Connery. Sean Connery are you here?**

"You bet your sweet petuty I'm herrre!"

**Okay, I guess you're playing the part of the narrator.**

"The narrator! I don't want to be the bloody narrator! Why can't I be someone like Emmet! A nice strong fellow-"

**Because. You're too old. Okay, extras, everyone in place. You there, girl who's playing Alice, stop playing with those matches, and you there! Get off the baton bars! Alright. Now, who are we missing?**

"I'm, I'm Meghan Rast…"

**You…you're Megahn Rast! THE MEGAHN RAST?**

"Yes, uh, I would be, you've heard of me?"

**Yes, I have, you're fired. Hah! Take that! (sorry, I had to put that there)**

Okay now, everyone places, well take it from the top! Ready set…ACTION!

_The scene starts out with Bella in the lunchroom on her first day of school. She sits idly talking to her new friends she looks at Edward and then stands up…_

Bella: What is this feeling, so sudden and new? I felt the moment I laid eyes on you?

Edward: My head is reeling.

Bella : My face is flushing.

Edward: My pulse….well, my pulse ain't rushing!

Both: Fervid as a flaaame, does it have a naaaaaaame, yeeeees!

They both think…

Both: Confusion! Total utter co-on fusion!

Bella : For your face, your hair your clothing, who are you...

Edward : Cant read your mind! ( duh duh dun dun!)

Bella: Every little trait you have so small, makes my very thoughts begin to sprawl.

Edward: Why do you confuse me, I can't read your thoughts!

Bellas friend: Oh dearest Bella you are just too new! That's Edward cullen and won't notice you! He's a god like rich kid and he dosn't date so get it out of your head…I just wanted to tell you, he's too stuck up for youuu! I share your great confusion!

Both: Theres a strange exhilirationloin such complete aggitation, at not knowing you!

Edward: Though I do admit you smell real good, I sure do hope that you don't turn into my food!

Bella: And you will confuse me you confuse me …I need help!

**Okay, everyone, off stage, that was terrible. Alright, next scene. We're going to jump ahead a little okay Edward, you're alone and thinking about Bella, and how much you wish you could tell her everything…ready, set action!**

Edward: Look at me and tell me who I am, how I am, what I am. Call me a fool and its true I am I don't know who I am.

Edward: Alright I can't do this

**Why not? This is a perfectly good song to describe the inner tormented soul of Edward!**

Edward: Because, this is form Jeckyll and Hyde…and that show is too good to ruin.

**Fine then. Well re-do the scene. So, which musical is bad enough to mock…hmm...Anything Goes! Yes! It's perfect! Places everyone!**

This is the scene when Bella is first moving to Forks. And her mom and a few friends and random bypassers say goodbye.

Bella: Well, everyone, I'm off. I hope to see you soon mom!

Mom: Bon voyage!

Random people: You mean bon voyaaaageee!

Mom: I hate to say goodbye, sweetheart! There's a sea shore.

People: You mean la plajue

Bella: I'll sit and watch the sea, oh why did I agree…

Mom: Oh my dearie...

People: You mean ma cherie!

Bella: Goodbye old life you mean uhh, old viiie!

Mom: So seeya pretty wench

People: In English or in French

All: Bon voyage, booon voyaggge!

Bella: (rolls her eyes and mutters) I think the heats finally getting to me…

**Alright...hah. Well, that sucked too. Oh well. Now, where did that Rosalie girl go? Oh wait, that's right, we couldn't find her. (picks out abother girl) You there, who are you?**

Girl: Ummm, I'm like, Amneris Hilton, paris' slightly less known sister.

**Okay, you'll do. Now, do you know the song?**

Amneris: No.

**Good. Wing it. Action!**

Amneris..I mean Rosalie: In life one has to face a huge assortment  
Of nauseating fads and good advice  
There's health and fitness  
Diet and deportment

And other pointless forms of sacrifice .  
Conversation? Wit? I am a doubter  
Manners? Charm?  
They're no way to impress  
So forget the inner me, observe the outer  
I am what I wear and how I dress ...

(random chorus girls come out of nowhere, all knowing odd choreography...)

Rosalie:  
Oh now I believe in looking  
Like my time on earth is cooking  
Whether polka dotted  
Striped or even checked  
With the some glamour guaranteeing  
Every fiber on of my being  
Is displayed to quite remarkable effect (my vampireness may help, but who cares?)

From your cradle via trousseau  
To your deathbed you're on view, so  
Never compromise, accept no substitute I would rather wear a barrel Ah  
Than conservative apparel For my dress has always been  
My strongest suit

Chorus girls: She was destined

To be with edward, now she's not

And getting married...again!

Roaslie: Staying in or hitting town wards  
From the top and working downwards Ooh ooh ooh ah  
I ensure that every stitch Ooh ooh ooh ah  
Is stitched in time Ooh ooh ooh ah

Whether wig or hat or turban  
Whether clad boudoir or urban Is stitched in time  
Not to strut your stuff Ooh ooh ooh ah  
Outrageously's a crime Ooh ooh ooh ah  
Ooh ooh ooh ah

And the few who are invited Such a crime  
To my wardrobe are delighted Oooh overwear  
As they wander through my things Oooh underwear  
To find en route Oooh anytime  
We're wandering through your th

That in negligee or formal Ooh negligee  
I am anything but normal Ooh anything but normal normal

Ooh ah  
For my dress has always been  
My strongest suit Overwear, underwear  
Anytime, anywhere  
Overwear, underwear  
I am what I wear Anytime, anywhere  
Overwear, underwear  
Anytime, anywhere  
I said anytime Overwear,underwear  
Anytime  
Anywhere

Finest  
So bring me all my finest Divinest  
Most audacious, my divinest  
Most revealing  
Most expensive and to boot  
Most revealing most  
expensive  
Most arresting Most arresting  
Most heartstopping  
Most heartstopping Most heart-stoping  
Most free-flowing Overwear  
Most eye-popping Underwear  
Most arresting Anytime  
Most heart-stopping  
Anywhere  
Dress has always been Dress has always been  
My strongest suit  
I am what I wear  
My strongest suit  
I am what I wear  
You know that  
I am what I wear I am what I wear

Dress has always been  
Dress has always been My strongest  
My strongest My strongest  
My strongest My strongest suit My strongest  
My strongest My strongest  
My stroooooooooongest suit My strongest suit

My strongest suit!

(the girls carry Rosalie off on a satin pilllow and life returns to normal in the caffeteria)

Suddenly Bella wakes up. 'Wow,' she thinks, 'I really have got to stop eating those tacos before bed...' Then she rolls over and dreams again of tomorrow, and all her odd theories about Edward and his family...and Sean Connerry...


	2. Authors Note

Authors note:

Oh wow! I'm sorry, but this chapter is an idea chapter. I had not expected to get such a ...positive...response to this. I thought you guys would have torn it apart! If any of you guys have ideas as to other fics or sequal fics I could do with this, such as a disney edition...;) or such. I was also thinking of doing a sort of shakespeare type spoof, but anyways, im me or just post it as a review, either way. Again, thank you so much! I feel so happy now! I love all my loyal reviewers thank you again. Review!


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